remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
