You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
