Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
