This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
