you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
