Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize