I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
