WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
