I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
