with your own penis?
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
