If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
