I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you would pick up someone in the library
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
