Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
