When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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