My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
