I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
