I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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