There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
