Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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