based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
