if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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