And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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