youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
