these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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