i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
