what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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