But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My bed smells like the plague
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
