did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
