He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize