Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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