That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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