remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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