the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
