I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
