found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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