I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
