This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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