My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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