they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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