Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize