Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
