Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
