don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
it was like eating out sand paper
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
