He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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