Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize