I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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