Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
