my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
