butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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