Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
