That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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