there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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