she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
