He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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