I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
