my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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