I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
