Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
