I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
