I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
