dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
