Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
