your room smells of hookers.
And success
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
