I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize