I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize