im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
